Back on Middle Ground

Watching "City of Canvas" and then discovering the faces of World War I soldiers inspired me to return to my draft of Story 2 and fill in the gaps.

The point of return was looking at the faces of the First World War i (when you get to the page, be sure to click on the Flickr link) and wondering if any of the soldiers I saw were present during the Christmas Truce of 1914. How did the Christmas Truce change their lives and the lives of the people they knew? I'm actively searching for the answers to the questions as a the holiday season approaches.

Read the Ground of Remembrance post Remembering Middle Ground that provides the continuing story's connection to the Christmas Truce.

Learn about the Christmas Truce from Wikipedia.

For you readers who read "RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance," if you're interested in reading Story 2 draft excerpts (and willing to provide feedback), send me an e-mail

Veteran's Day - Thank You

Today is Veteran's Day in America.
A day to pause, remember and thank an American soldier.  
Thank you for your service. I'm thinking of you today.


Take action to show you care and support our returning troops.
I recently discovered  "Operation Proper Exit" on 60 Minutes.
Go to 60 Minutes to read the story and watch videos about Operation Proper Exit 

An excerpt from the Troops First Foundation website:
About Operation Proper Exit
For Wounded Warriors who are thriving in recovery and are capable of returning to theater, this program itinerary stages a meet-and-greet tour to forward operating bases with a group of recovered soldiers.
Four specific objectives have been identified:
1. The sense of brotherhood inherent in today’s military leaves a number of injured soldiers with the desire to return to theater after injury. By having a chance to visit, not only is their desire addressed but they can bring stories from home to deployed troops when they arrive.
2. Soldiers who have witnessed the injuring of a battle buddy are often times left wondering how the situation turned out both short and long term. Upon the return of fully recovered soldiers, the minds of deployed troops are put to ease when they witness the results firsthand and hear about the journey and outstanding care being afforded to our Wounded Warriors.
3. The Wounded Warriors will have a most important as well as unique opportunity to see the progress in Iraq that they, through their tremendous sacrifice, helped bring about.
4. For troops that have been injured in battle, this initiative provides them the opportunity to make a “proper exit” on their own terms as they walk to the aircraft and climb the ramp rather than being medically evacuated. This component has a positively resounding effect in offering closure to that chapter of their lives.
Learn about Troops First Foundation

Faces of the First War

It's the eve of Armistice Day, which in America, is known as Veteran's Day. Maybe it was attending the screening of "City of Canvas" by Jack Dillard that got me thinking about WWI soldiers. Maybe it was seeing the November 11, 1918 local newspaper on display during the "City of Canvas" event that announced PEACE in large type on the front page. Can you imagine that peace?

A search on Armistice Day returned some interesting items. Today the BBC reports, "This Armistice Day will be the first without World War One combat veterans." (See Faces of World War I Bring Memories to Life )

A few more clicks and I discovered "Faces of the First War." Another glimpse of unknown soldiers from World War I. As the copy on the site states, "All these photos tell a story. The men shown in them fought and died for Britain and the Commonwealth."

Its a lot easier to learn about their story than you might think. The process begins with remembrance. You peer into faces of the past and often some question arises in your mind. Maybe the question is as simple as, "What happened to him?" Instead of thinking you can never know, try digging into the history of a particular day, place or battle, asking "What happened to them?"  Some detail may interest you and suddenly you may begin to know a part of their story. Maybe its not exactly "his" story, but its part of "their" story, which you may find out is part of your story too.  But then again, you may find "his*" story too. It's always a bit of a mystery.

The Imperial War Museum (IWM) is uploading photographs to Flickr Commons every weekday until August 2014, the 100th anniversary of the outbreak of the First World War.
Check out Faces of the First War - the First 100 on Flickr.

 *Note: When I searched for Alpha Company, I never imagined I would meet the veteran who had scrawled "Alpha Company" on an envelope. Those two words inspired my search to remember the unknown soldiers of Alpha Company.  Due to a series of seemingly unrelated events (such as a canceled dinner date), I found the veteran, Phil Woodall. He gave me his journal and letters from Vietnam so I could learn about Alpha Company.  That's how a story begins.

City of Canvas

It's great to see how a friend takes a spark of an idea and creates something that educates others and enriches the present by illuminating the past.

When America entered WWI on April 6, 1917, there was a need to mobilize and train the troops. After much campaigning, Charlotte, NC., was selected by the military as the location for Camp Greene. The camp was built of wood and canvas in less than 90 days. From September 3, 1917 to June 30, 1919 there were from 30,000 to 60,000 men stationed at the camp. Think about the context of 30,000-60,000 men back in 1917-1919. Camp Green had its own stables, bakery, laundry, hospital, chapel, YMCA buildings, Knights of Columbus hall, water tower and post office.

Jack Dillard learned about Camp Greene in 1983 when he was writing a booklet for the 100th anniversary of Home Federal Savings and Loan in Charlotte. Sometime later he discovered a post card from the camp tucked in a book from a used bookstore. One post card discovery led to another item, and soon he was collecting Camp Greene photos and memorabilia. As Jack tells it, "Camp Greene's story found me and wouldn't let me go." Jack accumulated hundreds of pictures and other items relating to the camp, and eventually donated them to the Robinson-Spangler Carolina Room at the Charlotte Mecklenburg Library.

But he also did something more with everything he learned and collected through the years. He gave us a visual story, “City of Canvas,” which offers a glimpse into Charlotte’s past and the training of soldiers for WWI. Watch "City of Canvas" at 9 PM EST on Friday, 11-11-11.

 Learn about Camp Greene
 Read from Soldier's Diary
 Link to Documenting the American South - North Carolinians and the Great War

REPOST: Remember Your Mentors

Remember Your Mentors was originally published on August 24, 2010  

"... To learn means to accept the postulate that life did not begin at my birth. Others have gone before me, and I walk in their footsteps. The books I have read were composed by generations of fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, teachers and their disciples. I am the sum total of their experiences, their quests."* - Elie Wiesel, from a passage of a commencement speech he delivered at Harvard in the early 1990s.

The ground of remembrance illuminates the presence of mentors in every stage of life. It's not only my mentors, teachers and guides who shared their experience, gifts, knowledge and wisdom, its also their mentors, teachers and guides. The whispered call "Remember them" rises again. Do you remember your mentors? Do you even know who they are?

Phil Consineau writes "the distinction between the ordinary teacher ... and the true mentor is the focus on helping students forge their own minds, light the fire in their own souls." ... "Mentors are those along the road saying, "You're on the right path. Keep going, keep going, keep going."*

When the path leads into the unknown and the steps on a dark night feel uncertain to the mind, its a good thing when you can discern the encouragement from the Mentor: "Keep going."

SOURCE:*All italicized quotes are from the book, "Once and Future Myths" by Phil Cousineau.

The Bond of Brotherhood

Excerpt from the chapter “Navigating by Stars”* 

The wood line I had envisioned in Alpha Company’s story seemed very similar to Cote 304. I wanted to know if Cote 304 was the ground I had imagined. It made no sense why a place completely devastated by war intrigued me. The verdant land had been slaughtered by war. And yet poppies flourished on the dead war-torn ground in France. During my research, bits of the poem I read In "Flanders Fields" by John McCrae would drift into my thoughts.

... we are the Dead. Short days ago 

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow. 

Loved and were loved, now we lie 

In Flanders fields.

I wondered what story I would discover when I remembered the unknown soldiers from World War I. Elements of war, death and remembrance were in place. I had learned about camaraderie from Alpha Company, and conviction from the soldiers who fought during D-Day. I had known I would return to France but thought my destination was the D- Day beaches in Normandy, not Verdun in Lorraine.

My memory continued to recite some of the words of John McCrae’s poem.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders field

The words seemed to be speaking directly to me.
The writer in me wanted to go to uncover the story in Verdun. Yet another side of me didn’t want to go face the darkness. The last page of the book, Verdun by Georges Blond spoke of "the fascination of a somber lodestar. In the infinite, such stars - which we often imagine as dead - are burning. And everything that they touch is consumed by fire." The mention of a lodestar – a star that leads or guides - shifted my perspective: It was the light on the dark night. The brotherly love found in Alpha Company was another type of shimmering light in the darkness. I had picked up the torch of remembrance. There was a flash of light and its brightness revealed Verdun. Deep within my gut I knew the step I had to take.
*"Navigating by Stars" is a chapter from the book “RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance” by Jean A. Niedert. © 2011

My Inspiration for Posting the Excerpt
The weekend of Sept. 18, I found an email from an D., A. Co. member. It began, “Hi Jean, looking forward to Story 2. A story that will never get written is..."

I responded to D's email, and because his email seemed to “come out of the blue,” a few days later, I wrote another note asking what inspired him to write.

He answered. “…As I was reading your website. I looked up at the company photo of A Company taken at Fort Campbell. I was looking at Lt. Rodriquez and Eddie Sands and remembered that their deaths were a significant change in our platoon. … Frank and Eddie were part of the original family and replacing family members isn't possible. Capt S. wrote the foreword in Phil's book that only 15 of us were left that didn't get killed or wounded. When I look at the A Company photo that sits above my home office desk, I realize how lucky I was not to have not been killed or wounded.”

D. had reminded of something I already knew.

In the letter I received in July 2009 from the original CO, he wrote, “In mid-May 68, I ordered my platoon leaders to assemble at my command post, all who had deployed. About 15 worn-out paratroopers soon stood staring at me."
The detail of 15 didn’t register in July 2009 because I was distracted by appearance of three platoon leaders. However, the words remained on the page in my possession waiting for another time when I would see the meaning of them.
This time around, the foundation was set, and the piece fits into the bond of brotherhood.

To you from failing hands we throw
the torch; be yours to hold it high.

The torch is not the torch of war.

RESURGAM Returns

When I envisioned RESURGAM as a finished book, I always believed Phil would be there. His words and his remembrances inspired the story.

An excerpt from RESURGAM's Epilogue*
Veteran’s Day 2007: I wanted to share my good news with Phil Woodall. Finally, I had an ending to the story. It had taken me twenty years from the day I found Alpha Company until the day I finished the ending. The last time I wrote Phil a letter was near the end of 2001. I wanted to learn his updated contact information, so I googled his name. I found, "Phil Woodall – In Memoriam," in the search results. My initial thought was, "That can’t be right." I clicked the link and was saddened to read the news that Phil had passed away due to a heart attack in January 2007. My heart sank. I was too late and Phil would never know I completed the story that began with Alpha Company.

This was devastating news. More so, since I had the gut feeling in 2006 that I needed to finish the story, but I didn't pay attention. I stayed completely wrapped up in work because I enjoyed it. All during that time, I kept thinking, "I need to finish the story." The thought repeated over and over, but I didn't act on it until September 2007.

It took me two months to write the ending and complete the draft. It took much longer to transform the finished draft into a published book. The advance copy of "RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance" arrived on January 6, 2009, and the shipment of books arrived about a week later. No one from Alpha Company had read it. Thankfully, between the time I learned of Phil's passing and the book's arrival, I had connected with three men from Alpha Company - Gary, Jerry and John. They would be the first from Alpha Company to read the book. I began distributing the book to family and friends. Few had read chapters from the book and I wasn't too concerned. My concern was focused solely on Alpha Company. What if they didn't like the book? I had no way of knowing until they read it. I wanted RESURGAM to receive their approval.

A lot of people suggested in 2009 that I seek a publisher so the book could reach a wider audience. I kept telling them, "Yes, but its not time yet." There was something missing along with Phil. When friends probed for the deeper reason, I couldn't identify one. I only knew - in my gut - it wasn't time to start "peddling the book." It appeared I was afraid to put it out there. All I knew - something was missing.

At that time, the book itself was the goal. The story was complete. During 2009, after much resistance and surprise, I realized there was more, and began writing Story 2. Then the events occurred in 2010 and I realized Story 2 had given me strength when I needed it. I let go of RESURGAM and was at peace with it.

June 2010, I decided to put what I learned from RESURGAM into practice and began searching for details about my great-great grandfather’s participation in the Civil War.  While visiting Andersonville Prison, I found some humor in the fact that I was standing (again) in No Man's Land since No Man's Land appears in RESURGAM and Story 2. Here I was looking across an empty field, this time a former prison that held my great-great grandfather captive during the Civil War.  I wanted to know where he had been, but realized it didn’t matter.  I was here and I knew the journey began with “remember them.” I was standing on the ground of remembrance.

During the call described in The Flip Card, I answered detailed questions about my skills and experience in a specific field. Near the end of the call, she asked, "You live in -city-, why don't you work at X?" She was puzzled why I wasn’t working full-time at X. She knew I had the skills and experience to do so. My reply was that I enjoyed the challenge of working on a lot of different projects and learning something new. (This is true.) My silent responses had been peppered through the call and I was paying attention to them. I knew something was afoot because ideas and information were aligning in August with little effort (only because there had been much effort in the last two years). When I listened to my silent response, it heard, "I need to work on the story." It was my Yes! 

Quite honestly, a day or so after, when figuring out the scope of this work, I thought, "Oh no, not again." If you’ve ever struggled with the creative process, you probably know the "Oh no." As in "How will I afford this?"  This time, however, there’s two decades of practice and experience.
There is a way. I have the book.

I know. RESURGAM has returned. This is the beginning of Story 3.

*Epilogue from "RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance" by Jean A. Niedert (c)2011

The Strength of Being Vulnerable

During book club last week, someone read aloud a paragraph that focused on the specific flaws of a character. After the reading, she looked to Betty*, who works in pastoral care at a local hospital. "You've probably dealt with this type of problem. What would you tell her?"
Betty paused, then replied she doesn’t have set advice, and she laughed, adding she no longer tries to fix other people's problems. An answer isn’t known before listening. When she meets new patients, she lets them talk and she listens. In the space of listening is where the answer arrives. Betty recounted meeting a new patient who poured out many struggles.
At the end of the conversation the patient said, "I can't bear it anymore."
Betty replied, "I know."

My jaw dropped.
“I know,” was enough.

Betty didn’t need to offer positive encouragement or craft a quick fix solution to help the patient with any problem. Betty's response acknowledged the struggle. Even in Betty’s simple recount, her voiced “I know,” rose from a vulnerable depth within her. She knew.

Betty’s ability to be vulnerable in her knowing caught me by surprise. For days, I had tried to draft an example about the strength of being vulnerable but by the act of listening, I found one.

*Not her real name

The Beauty of Imperfection

A repost from January 23, 2010:

The words, "the beauty of imperfection" were spoken by my dear friend, Bobby. I heard them the same day we learned everyone in the corporate offices would lose their jobs. The Sales Promotion Dept. left for a long lunch and landed at the Art Director's house. Bobby and I were sitting on the front porch swing. I pointed out a crack in the sidewalk and a few more imperfect details that I can't remember. Bobby's reply. "Jean, that's the beauty of imperfection." That was the most foreign idea I had heard. Beauty in imperfection? I lived in a world always striving for perfection. In that one moment, I visited the possibility. Beauty released from the limits of perfection.

It was 1990. I was exchanging letters with Phil, learning about his war and Alpha Company. I was losing my job. That day I was introduced to the beauty of imperfection.
The boundaries were crumbling...

... remember ...

The Beauty of Another Imperfection?

When I wrote the final sentence in "Ten Years Ago," and realized how tough it is to face vulnerability, I landed on the next topic (vulnerability). Most often vulnerability gets viewed externally in the context of rooting out weakness. When vulnerability gets discovered, the reaction is to fix it, get rid of it, or do something to strengthen the identified risk.

Consider this: “Vulnerability is one of the by-products of love.” - from William Meninger’s book, “The Process of Forgiveness”
If vulnerability is a by-product of love, what happens when vulnerability gets eliminated? My objective here is to turn the focus to a different dimension of vulnerability. One not often examined or explored.

In the context of RESURGAM, there's the remembrance of war. When I wrote the story, it included the aftermath of a battle, which included a soldier’s death. To return to remember, a character needed to be present, so I created Sophy. I didn’t name her Sophia (wisdom) because she was still learning. Sophy saw vulnerability as a weakness, an imperfection to fix. Any existing vulnerability within was a place to be fortified and she overcompensated to hide the imperfection of her vulnerability.

There's a serious conflict here. Vulnerability as the by-product of love, vulnerability as an imperfection. Have you ever explored vulnerability on these dimensions? I never did until the writing landed me in the middle of this continuing LIFE story. Unknown to Sophy at the time, that’s exactly what she’s required to do – explore her vulnerability. How does this occur? There’s nothing more forceful to expose vulnerability than the presence of grief. When grief is present, no one can avoid some vulnerability (unless they are heavily drugged). Grief rises up at the most unexpected, unwanted times. And yet, if you think about it, grief is also a by-product of love. (Who grieves for someone, something, a place or time they didn’t love?)

Vulnerability and grief are parts of life. We experience vulnerability when we are living LIFE, but its usually due to a death of some sort when vulnerability arrives front and center. When you really don’t want to experience your vulnerability, it always shows up. At what seems to be the worst time, a “weakness” appears. Maybe inner vulnerability isn't a weakness after all. Instead of struggling to strengthen the defense, what if its vulnerability that strengthens you?

Ten Years Ago*

I decided to post the chapter Ten Years Ago from "RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance" as a page, "My Introduction to Them."

A few reasons why:
1. "Remember them" is a universal call.
Blogger provides stats on the blog's audience and the countries listed from week to week always surprise to me. This blog gets readers from many other countries that have suffered through many other wars besides Vietnam, World War II, World War II and the Civil War. Its my hope readers find inspiration to remember the unknown soldiers in their countries.

2. "My Introduction to Them" (RESURGAM's chapter "Ten Years Ago") has been posted for the Alpha Company veterans who haven't received the book. (Blogger stats also show an increased referral from the Alpha Company blog. Thanks, Gary. I appreciate the plug and directing readers to ground of remembrance! Please let the original Alpha Company members know I have copies of RESURGAM for them.)

3. In January 2011, Oprah aired a show on remembering soldiers,"The Bravest Families in America." Bob Woodward introduced Teresa, a military mom whose son, Private First Class Michael Arciola, was killed in Iraq in 2005.

From the Oprah website: "Teresa goes to Arlington National Cemetery five or six times a year to visit her son's grave. Each time she goes, she spends the day at his graveside, playing his favorite music and reading his favorite childhood book. She says she does this because it makes her feel like she is still doing something for him."

"It doesn't get any easier, even though it's been six years. I'm afraid that people forget about him, about his sacrifice, about our other young people's sacrifice. They did it for us. People don't remember that. It's like they don't exist," says Teresa."

After the show I started writing Teresa a letter but didn't finish it. The letter remains a draft to this day. A kind thought and an affirmation of remembrance has not been sent. And so the receiver, Teresa, never knows.  Yet, here's the wonder. Due to Teresa's actions and telling her story on Oprah, I learned about her son's life. After watching Oprah, I learned about the small town that loved him. It's that love that will keep his memory alive. I learned that he was a member of Delta Company. They will remember Mike.

It only takes one person to "light the flame" of remembrance. People do remember and it does make a difference to LIFE. This type of remembrance is not attention grabbing fireworks that light up the sky. Remembrance arrives through a quiet whisper, a subtle presence that directs your attention toward LIFE in an unexpected way. Remembrance makes you wonder about the who, the what and they why. It taps on your heart, not on your head. And that's why it seems few remember, it pulls on the heart string of vulnerability. In today's modern world, vulnerability is a tough thing to face.

*Ten Years Ago
The blog title refers to RESURGAM's chapter "Ten Years Ago." 10 years ago was 1987.
(It was not ten years ago from 2011.)

The Light of Their Story

“The light of their story is a mystery.”
It was the presence of light that got my attention. Alpha Company may have been shrouded in the mystery, but there was detectable light in the unknown.
A result of my journey to "remember them," I started paying more attention to outward light, its subtle presence and the interplay with shadow.

Reflecting on other events in RESURGAM, I experienced the ground of remembrance during my first visit to Sacre Coeur in Montmartre.

"We passed through the large, dark wooden doors of Sacre Coeur and entered into an entirely different world than the one existing outside. The stone cathedral was ablaze with candlelight. The pulsing candle flames cast light upwards and outward, and played with the flickering dark shadows that grew and receded. Looming above, the open arms of the Byzantine mosaic of Christ reflected the interplay of light and shadow. The inner sanctum of Sacre Coeur embraced all my senses. Roses, lilies, tulips, and other flowers rested at each station of the cross. The individual offerings mingled together creating fragrant bouquets.
A moment of deep-abiding awe struck. People before me had visited, prayed, and lit Sacre Coeur with their expression of faith. Each individual helped to create the experience inside Sacre Coeur at the precise moment I passed through it doors. The awe I experienced was a cumulative result of the lives that passed through the doors and the people they carried in their heart, and remembered. The grandeur in that church expressed the beating heart of Belief and Faith. Each person is remembered. Each person makes an imprint. We may not know each personally, but there is a thread that weaves through life and it touches us in an individual way. Never was this more apparent to me than that night at Sacre Coeur. I was engulfed in more than candlelight, incense, and the scents of floral bouquets.
I wanted to place the white tulip, my peace offering from Duncan, at one of the Stations of the Cross. But I feared Duncan might laugh at me. I didn’t want my internal experience spoiled by an outward sarcastic comment from Duncan. Sure, I accepted his peace offering but my feelings were raw from the argument on the Parisian street. So I deposited a few francs in the container, took a candle and gently dipped the new wick toward a flaming candle. I placed my offering of light along side of the others while I said a small prayer of remembrance. Duncan lit a candle, too. We became part of the light in the sacred heart (Sacre Coeur)."
- excerpt from the book, "RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance" by Jean A. Niedert (c) 2011

(My visit to Sacre Coeur happened on the night of Armistice Day in Paris. Although I was in France, I carried my American perspective of Veteran's Day to Paris so was unable to 'see' Armistice Day. I wasn't yet fully 'aware' of the unknown soldiers from World War I.)

The Difference of a Word

On impulse, I added the back cover text to the last post, “The Evolution of the Ground of Remembrance.” I replaced one word and that single edit illuminates the truth of RESURGAM (I shall rise again). The difference of one word is worthy of a post.

Original:
Their existence glimmers in the dark realm of the unknown. It pulses with life and rests with death. The light of their story is a mystery, which leads to the ground of war.

Revised:
Their existence glimmers in the dark realm of the unknown. It pulses with life and rests with death. The light of their story is a mystery, which leads to the ground of remembrance.

RESURGAM lives in the interconnectedness of the present moment. The challenge - as I continue to learn - can be seeing the interconnectedness.

The Evolution of the Ground of Remembrance

Ground of Remembrance began as the web presence for the preview copy of the book "RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance." I thought publishing the book in 2009 was the end of “the story,” but RESURGAM was only the beginning that set the foundation for the ground of remembrance. The first edition book now marks fixed points of discovery, describing the exploration into remembrance, of leaving the familiar to step into unknown territory.

The story began with my discovery of Alpha Company (1st Battalion, 501st Infantry, 101st Airborne Division) but the book “RESURGAM Standing on the Ground of Remembrance” begins at the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. This is due to the fact there are two stories in RESURGAM: Remembering the Vietnam war with Alpha Company during March 16, March 29 and July 7, 1968 and the impact of responding to “remember them” that led me to experience something I wasn’t even searching for – peace.

War & Peace
When RESURGAM was distributed, most people wanted to talk about the war story whereas I most wanted to focus on the peace story. The obvious war/peace conflict signaled to me that there was more to learn, so I listened. In my listening, I realized there remained unfinished business in RESURGAM that required me to return to the aftermath of war.

The Aftermath of War
I knew the scene had been set in RESURGAM: Sophy had been left in the ‘presence of absence’ or the emptiness of home. Being the writer, the question I needed to answer: “How does she get out of there?” The aftermath (death, loss and grief) seemed overwhelming. I didn’t know the answer (or better stated, didn’t want to know it). I didn’t want to gather the pieces, I wanted to enjoy my peace, but this nagging aftermath kept tugging at me. “You need to write this. You need to write Sophy out of the emptiness.” The peace I received from completing RESURGAM dissolved the more I resisted writing about the aftermath.

I remembered all that I learned from remembering the unknown soldiers. Not knowing the answer could not be an excuse or a quitting point. Not knowing only signaled there was more to learn. I had been on this ground of unknowing so many times before. Once again, I proactively took the step into the aftermath because I knew it was the next step even if I didn’t know how the story would flow. I knew the story was not going to fade away just because I didn’t know the answer or because the emptiness wasn’t a place I wanted to go.

Help arrived in many forms from Alpha Company. Because RESURGAM was a now book, members of Alpha Company were receiving and reading it. Some wrote me, offering their remembrances and insights, and giving me new information on the soldiers whose names were etched in stone on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. For me, the single point of light carried by Phil Woodall in remembrance was becoming a constellation of light. To be a witness of this type of transformation only proved I had to continue the journey. The story was not my story.

A significant example occurred on a stormy July night. A flash of an image arrived in my awareness in the form of John.

John had died on July 7, 1968, and was the reason why Sophy was left in the emptiness. I didn’t initially understand why John would be part of Story 2, the aftermath. My writer’s intuition said, “Let the idea play out,” and so I did. Two more Alpha Company soldiers appeared. I expected Phil to show up (he was their RTO), and then others. No one else from Alpha Company arrived, not even Phil. I kept wondering, “Why those three?” I didn’t know the answer and it didn’t stop me from drafting the story. It was ‘easy writing,’ paying attention to the visual flow and describing what my writer’s eye saw. I completed a high level draft that night.

The next day, I found a small box the size of my book in my mailbox. I looked at the return address and discovered it was from the original Company Commander of Alpha Company. My first response, “He’s returning the book. He didn’t like it.” I opened the package and found a 7-page letter, two small books, programs, and other information on Alpha Company. In his letter was the answer to “Why those three?” They were the original platoon leaders of Alpha Company: John, Gary and Frank. I knew this fact but I had forgotten it.

I worked on the draft of Story 2 for many months, until one day while washing dishes I had the thought, “The draft is done.”

Another Aftermath
A few weeks later, I received a call that my father had been admitted to the hospital for a blood transfusion and then a bone marrow biopsy. Within 40 days of his diagnosis based on the bone marrow biopsy, he was gone. Here was a man who I believed would live into his nineties because he loved life and learning. I found my deepest strength and greatest comfort from 'Story 2', which had been inspired by the directive of three platoon leaders. They had helped prepare me to be present for life and death. Alpha Company was with me during the aftermath. I could weave another story along with the fictionalized account of "their" story. (As for the weaving of stories, I’m not to that point yet.)

Two months after my father's passing, I decided to search for information on my great, great grandfather who had survived Andersonville Prison during the Civil War. All I knew at that time was the "tall tale" I heard a few years ago during a family reunion. There had been a fierce thunderstorm, lightening struck the ground and a spring appeared. The prisoners believed God answered their prayers for fresh water and named it Providence Spring.

Within a week I found a significant book about the 112 Illinois Volunteer Regiment. I continued to discover nuggets of information that created structure to David Vader’s life during the Civil War. I Company had been captured on a ford of the Hiawassee River near Riceville, Tennessee on September 26, 1863. Most soldiers got shipped to Andersonville Prison and died there. (Exceptions are David Vader who survived and Charles Goss who escaped. There could be more I Company survivors from Andersonville that I haven’t identified.)

The subject of Andersonville prison was not easily embraced; yet it was David Vader's reality. When an opportunity to visit Andersonville prison presented itself, I said yes. While standing in No Man’s Land (between the deadline and stockade posts) at Andersonville, although I remembered the past, I was in the present moment. Here was another empty field, seemingly nothing there. Yet I realized, "I am standing on this ground." I was here seeing freedom because of all I had learned from remembering the unknown soldiers and because David Vader lived. I realized his legacy to his family was freedom. Freedom had always been valued and it required the responsibility to keep learning.

The Evolution of a LIFE Story
“Knowledge is in a state of constant evolution. It’s not a fixed state of precepts as we often believe when we are young.” At the beginning of this journey when I was in my late twenties, it seemed the ground of remembrance was a battlefield, for that’s where I found the unknown soldiers in remembrance. Even during Story 2, the three platoon leaders took Sophy back to a World War I battlefield, so once again it seemed I was writing a ‘war story.’

What I missed in the early years was that I was with them. Time and time again, they were pointing out LIFE, not war. Even in Story 2, the 'characters' are standing in No Man’s Land during the World War I Christmas Truce, their eyes filled with compassion, directing Sophy’s eyes to LIFE. While sitting with my father during the final days, it is LIFE not death that I remember. You see, this is a LIFE story, not a war story, and it always begins with “remember them.”

As the back cover of RESURGAM states (I changed only one word which is capitalized): "Remember them" echoes through every generation and against the standing stones of history. The two words transform into a presence that enters Sophy's awareness, directs her attention to the darkness, and whispers, "Go there."

Their existence glimmers in the dark realm of the unknown. It pulses with life and rests with death. The light of their story is a mystery, which leads to the ground of REMEMBRANCE. The power of remembrance illuminates their truth. They lived. They loved. They have a story to tell."

All the while, they are pointing toward LIFE, which includes so much more than what we usually see.

A New Addition

I'm adding The Evolution of a Life Story that Began with "Remember Them" to the blog's tagline.
It's been nearly two months since my visit to Andersonville prison.
Amazing how an Aha! moment can offer such clarity.

More details to follow.

Standing on the Ground of Remembrance (Again)

This photo freezes one moment in time: I am standing on the ground of remembrance.
For the casual viewer, it looks like an open field with nothing of significance.

The post in the lower right corner is the deadline. When I took the photo, I'm still standing in No Man's Land. At this point of my visit, I started wondering where David Vader lived during his captivity here at Andersonville prison. Just as I thought the question ("Where was David?)," a movement in the sky caught my attention. I glanced up and saw a hawk (ok, probably a buzzard) soaring above the field. The bird’s motion directed my eyes across the wider space to the south, beyond the creek you cannot see due to the hill, instead of the closer proximity of where I stood on the north side.

Seeing this vast open field, it was easy to think, “There’s nothing here.” All that had been here was gone. And yet there was something more. I was here.
It was my Aha! moment.
I was in this present moment. This is the ground of remembrance.

Another Generous Open Hand

Time and time again, the message continues to resonate: They were there for each other.

This knowledge was the thread that enabled me to find Alpha Company so many years ago. Alpha Company's camaraderie, their actions and unwavering commitment to be there for each other served as the rock solider foundation for RESURGAM.

An open hand, an offering, reaching out.
This has always been, and will always be, a critical action in the life story.
An open hand can also be an easy thing to miss.

In the courtyard of the National Prisoner of War Museum, I was anticipating what was behind the wall (Andersonville prison) and wasn't 100% present to what was in front of me. The water dripping from his hands attracted my attention. I took a lot of photographs at different angles and distances. I even reached out with an open hand, so the water from his hand dropped into mine, but I didn't get it then. I get it now.

OLDER POST: A Generous Open Hand

National Prisoner of War Museum

The courtyard of the National Prisoner of War Museum/Visitor Center.
The sun's reflection on the moving water was mesmerizing.
Behind the wall is the walk to the Andersonville prison site.
There's a heightened sense of anticipation here.
What's behind that brick wall?

Yet, the details in front of the brick wall capture one's attention.
Images that tell many stories.
Pause to look beyond the surface.
See the dimension.

To the left is a fountain,
which made me wonder if it was inspired by Providence Spring.
Flowing Water.
Beautiful in its simplicity.
Yet, an awareness of being surrounded.
Enclosed by walls, fences and wire.

Water.
Dripping from the open hands of the prisoner.
A willingness of share.
"Here, water. Have some..."

Illinois Monument at Andersonvile Cemetery

From "Papers in Illinois History and Transactions for the Year - 1941":
"The large central figure of Columbia, and beside her Youth and Maiden representing nations come, is cast in bronze and stands upon a pedestal of massive Montello granite. Columbia with outstretched hand is pointing to the heroes resting in their graves. Youth and Maiden, hastening, gaze in the direction Columbia is pointing. On either wing of the pedestal is carved in bold letters the last clause of President Lincoln's first inaugural address and the last clause of his memorable speech on the battlefield of Gettysburg."

The two figures on either side of the pedestal represent veterans of the Civil War standing in sad reflection of memories of the tragedies of the late war.
We here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. (Gettysburg Address) - Abraham Lincoln

The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touches, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature. (First Inaugural Address) - Abraham Lincoln

The monument is dedicated to the 889 known Illinois soldiers buried there.
Erected by the State of Illinois
In grateful remembrance of the patriotic devotion of her sons who suffered and died in the military prison at Andersonville, Ga., 1864-1865.

RESOURCE: Papers in Illinois History and Transactions for the Year - 1941

A Massive Palisade of Great Squared Logs

From John McElroy, Late of Co. L. 16th Ill Cav. (1879): "About midnight the train stopped, and we were ordered off. We were in the midst of a forest of tall trees that loaded the air with the heavy balsamic odor peculiar to pine trees... Stretching out into the darkness was a double row of great heaps of burning pitch pine, that smoked and flamed fiercely, and lit up a little space around in the somber forest with a ruddy glare. Between these two rows lay a road, which we were ordered to take.

The scene was weird and uncanny. I had recently read the "Iliad," and the long lines of huge fires reminded me of that scene in the first book, where the Greeks burn on the sea shore the bodies of those smitten by Apollo's pestilential-arrows.

For nine long nights, through all the dusky air,
The pyres, thick flaming shot a dismal glare.

Five hundred weary men moved along slowly through double lines of guards. Five hundred men marched silently towards the gates that were to shut out life and hope from most of them forever. A quarter of a mile from the railroad we came to a massive palisade of great squared logs standing upright in the ground. The fires blazed up and showed us a section of these, and two massive wooden gates, with heavy iron hinges and bolts. They swung open as we stood there and we passed through into the space beyond.
We were in Andersonville.

RESOURCE: From the ebook "Andersonville - A Story of Rebel Military Prisons" by John McElroy
Go to Internet Archive (Search "Andersonville Prison")